physiological arousal

i have been known to lose my temper inappropriately, sometimes regrettably. but when it does count, i'm like a rag doll, all limp and lifeless. i retreat to one corner, rock myself back and forth and rationalize what's not worth rationalizing and make excuses for whatever my anger's directed at.
i have no freedom to wander aimlessly, kick at stones and stare at the endless horizon; my room is my refuge. my frustration pillow's on retirement and i haven't found a replacement yet. it has choked many screams and stemmed torrents of tears and i have, guiltily, taken it for granted.
i must be the perfect medium for rage when i'm really feeling it. i let my emotions commandeer the steering wheel and hit the tree. i take wicked delight in "letting it rip", uncaring who i hurt in the process. i'm remorseful, yes, but that's after the fact.
do i need counseling? not really. i've learned to sense different gradations of my temper and maneuver myself away from going ballistic. oh and that's when my silly switch comes in handy.
a happy new year to you, too.

addendum: spurred by janjanbinks' entry, anger management.