da mihi sis cerevisiam dilutam

i wasn't being selfish. i was being scared.

"order up!"

grr.

whoo-ee. i'm psychic. my best guy friend's getting married and i feel nasty about it.
i'm admittedly being selfish. i know i'm losing a shoulder to cry on, beer buddy and occasional comic relief. i don't like it one bit because i don't know how to cope with the news. besides, i think vicki hates me.
i'll just wallow in my prehensile state of mind for now.

karma

I’m sipping a rather ersatz strawberry shake. There’s a crick in my neck that no bodily contortion can cure. I’m supposed to be working but my mind is somewhere else. I’m not yet asleep but I’m already dreaming.

Today sucked. How bad can tomorrow be?

i'm fine pretending that i'm not

it's monday again and my weekend's shot.
i'm just fine pretending that i'm not.
please hold my hand, you're all i've got.

this is going to be the longest, most agonizing week ever. i'm not up to divulging details. truth serum's not gonna do me any good this time.
and i had pepsi for lunch. that said a lot.

cloned

"it's a matter of doing the right thing and doing things right."

physiological arousal

i have been known to lose my temper inappropriately, sometimes regrettably. but when it does count, i'm like a rag doll, all limp and lifeless. i retreat to one corner, rock myself back and forth and rationalize what's not worth rationalizing and make excuses for whatever my anger's directed at.
i have no freedom to wander aimlessly, kick at stones and stare at the endless horizon; my room is my refuge. my frustration pillow's on retirement and i haven't found a replacement yet. it has choked many screams and stemmed torrents of tears and i have, guiltily, taken it for granted.
i must be the perfect medium for rage when i'm really feeling it. i let my emotions commandeer the steering wheel and hit the tree. i take wicked delight in "letting it rip", uncaring who i hurt in the process. i'm remorseful, yes, but that's after the fact.
do i need counseling? not really. i've learned to sense different gradations of my temper and maneuver myself away from going ballistic. oh and that's when my silly switch comes in handy.
a happy new year to you, too.

addendum: spurred by janjanbinks' entry, anger management.

frizzy future

i'm getting on the rebonding bandwagon just when everyone's getting off. well, you know how i hate crowded rides.
and just when i'm getting ready to climb on, i get sentimental and miss my fluff. maybe i'll regret it and maybe i won't, but i guess i'll procrastinate a little longer... maybe 2 hours. heehee.

knight of pentacles

Do not let anyone stop you from fulfilling your dreams of lasting love to be part of your life. Keep some feelings to yourself and try to avoid anyone who throws cold water on your emotions. A short but exciting weekend trip with someone you like or love is in store. Lucky number is 47.

7 heartbeats

7 heartbeats is all it takes to snatch a kiss that can last a lifetime.
7 heartbeats to hold hands with fingers entwined.
7 heartbeats to walk a few steps down memory lane.
7 heartbeats to dance a few steps in the rain.
7 heartbeats to whisper the sweetest 'i love you' in your ear.
7 heartbeats to decide that this is forever.

christmas is a mugger hiding just around the corner

it's the season for cold, windy nights and crisp mornings. just when i thought i've gotten over my phobia of christmas, i get a reality check. it's back with a vengeance.
uncharacteristic of me, i put up a teensy weensy christmas tree by my workstation in the office. it's a foot and a half high with red and silver tinsel wrapped around it. eew. i'm bringing it home on the 17th and giving it away to someone who values christmas more than i do.
don't get me wrong. i used to love christmas. i guess it's when you feel you're too old for gifts that you start developing a certain bête-noir for it. the tables are turned and you're expected to be handing out parcels to those little devils you call godchildren.
i'm the grinch in pink.